How to spend less than $100 in Target.

The dreaded/hallowed
dollar spot.

Let's talk about Target. Firstly, I LOVE TARGET. And so does everyone with whom I have ever conversed (there's even a Target Addict Blog here). Target's brilliant marketing team has created the most incredible customer loyalty. It's mind boggling, but I truly LOVE Target with every tiny fiber of my being. What I dont love, however, is that much like Whole-Paycheck Foods, I can't seem to leave without spending a minimum of $100. So, here is a guide for attempting to get out of Tar-jay (say it with a French accent, it's doubly lovable) without spending a hundo. 

1. If you are a female shopper, do not, under any cirmustances, visit these sections of the store: clothing, shoes, jewelry, sunglasses, hats, scarves or purses. You WILL find a mimimum of 3 cute things and say to yourself "Oh my GEE! Only 19.99?!?" Guess what. "Only $19.99" x 3= "already $60".

2. Make a list. Do NOT stray from it. Make the list at home, and look at things like soap, contact solution, toilet paper, etc, and make sure you are ACTUALLY "about to run out of this!" before you "just pick some up while you're in Target".

3. If you think the phrase "Well, since I'm here I'll just pick up a couple of [insert item such as Lara Bars, nail polishes, bags of Archer Farms chips, cute stationary items]" leave the aisle immediately. Just. . . just walk away.

4. Avoid this amazing little 3-5 aisle section at the entry point of most Targets-- the dollar section. Because? Because, yes, you CAN buy 20 of these perfectly portioned bags of animal crackers or 30 pairs of ankle socks, but guess what? See rule #1 for a review of how multiplication works.

5. Take cash in an envelope and leave your plastic at home. That way, when you're finished trying to barter with the Target check-out girl (and realize it's 2012, not the middle ages where barter actually worked in marketplaces), you'll really, really only leave with $X spent.

6. Stay away from the BARGAIN or CLEARANCE sections. Against their mighty power, you will be powerless to remember rule #3.

Readers, I sincerely hope you find this useful. And if I save you money, I hope you'll consider leaving me some small percentage in your will and or investing in me as a person by just mailing me cash.

Because remember:

k.

Dr. Strangebutt (Or "How I am learning to love my rear.")

Rump. Booty. Badonkadonk. Tail. Arse. Cheeks. Bum.

Ok, now that I've gotten my 12 year old giggles out of the way, let's talk about my butt. If that didn't grab your attention, in combination with the above, you may be downright boring.

Butt really (get it?). . . I read an amazing article over at HelloGiggles today. Firstly, I love and admire HelloGiggles in all ways- it's a great place to read about nail polish art, great movies, and how to love your self. I digress.

It's no secret to those who know me well, and now to everyone on the interwebs, that I deal with some body image stuff. Our bodies and their flaws are unfortunately things that most ladies, from around the age of 12, think about/obsess over daily. It's made double difficult by the fact that I pretend to be other people for a living, now on camera. The real question for me today is, "How exactly do I convince myself of the following?"

"You’re not attractive because you look like the airbrushed neo-Barbie posing with a giant bottle in a vodka ad, or the limitlessly fancy red carpet starlet. You’re attractive because of how you tell a story, how your eyes crinkle when you smile, how you love a certain author so fervently, and any number of other trite rom-com clichés. Because there’s actually truth to those sappy monologues – the most attractive thing about anyone is what makes them unique, not what makes them blend in." - from the article  

BODY IMAGE IS STILL A THING, APPARENTLY by Julia Gazdag on HelloGiggles.

I was an R.A. and and R.D. at the women's college I attended, which meant that I looked after lots of fabulous women finding their way in the world. And I put together loads of programming on the topic. So I've got every kind of mantra and affirmation possible floating around my head. I know the tricks, I know the psychology behind them. Maybe I know too much- it's made it difficult for me to believe it. The brain and the heart sometime have a hard time communicating. Here are some examples:

What I know in my heart: I am beautiful.

What I believe: I am a chubby troll.

What I know in my heart: I am slightly above a healthy body weight but am working on it.

What I believe: I am a a size 2000 and will never get back to my normal size.

What I know in my heart: That I am not attractive because of my looks, but because I am totally awesome.

What I believe: I smell like a toot, look like a foot and have the personality of a wet dog biscuit.

See what I mean? These may be exaggerations, and I am certainly in a better place than I used to be, but there is such a great discrepancy between what my heart knows to be true and what I tell myself. It's ridiculous, and I'm glad I recognize that. I'm telling you, awesome imperfection is where it's at.

How are you learning to love everything about yourself?

Just some helpful thoughts. . .

Do not, ever, ever, ever:

1. Ask a woman her age. Inapprop.

2. Congratulate a woman on her pregnancy unless she herself, tells you, in no uncertain terms, "In some number of months I am going to produce a small human, which is now, as we speak, growing in my adorable belly."

**There are a number of addendum to this rule, which you can read here: What Not to Say to Expectant Mothers , as well as a list of things you SHOULD say, here: What TO Say to Expectant Mothers. Thanks to Ashley for those pearls of wisdom.

3. Inquire about the price of: a house, a car, monthly rent, or clothing items, including jewelry. The exception to this rule exists among bestest girlfriends.

4. Mention a person's weight, unless they bring it up themselves, and even then, exercise extreme caution. You can't possibly know who is dealing with body image issues, no matter what their size. Please feel free, however, to tell people how wonderful they look, or how happy, or how stylish.

5. Point out a gray hair. I made this mistake, in a loving way, with my sister and she got very upset. I meant no harm, and since I have a quantity of white hair that began appearing when I was 20, I didn't think twice. But I should have. The exception to this rule is typically with a husband. Just remind them they look distinguished.

Thanks for reading my somewhat based on research but mostly based on experience, opinions.

K.

Just a good reminder.

This is probably more for me than for anyone else. 

And it's more eloquent than me writing in lipstick on my mirror "you look CUTE!"

Why SciFi?

Why not?

But really, why am I so into stories and shows and performances that involve fantasy, out of this world creatures and mutant abilities? Often, I'd rather watch a bad superhero flick than watch something I know will be high quality that's set in some kind of reality that's actually possible. Now we get into the real argument- isn't it possible that there ARE aliens with serious technological advances? Isn't it at all feasible that there are, in fact, mutants who can walk through walls, or wizards who can disapparate at will or werewolves who look dreamy in flannel? Um. . . I'm going to say yes, with a few caveats.

I read a delightful, beautifully painted graphic novel on my latest flight home: Kingdom Come. In the foreword, this gentleman theorized that should our predecessors from say, 100 years ago, look at us now, they would surely think we were gods, or superhumans or mutants. It's true, right? I read that as I was hurtling across the country in a metal tube with wings attached. I put tiny floppy discs into my eyes every morning and suddenly I've got 20/20 vision. I am writing an open letter right now on a machine that measures 1.25 inches in thickness. I can start a car by pushing a button, sometimes from inside my house. I could talk to someone in China if I wanted to in 3...2...1...

Extra geek points if you can guess who's on that shirt.

If I were looking at what we do now, from the past- that's all pretty SciFi, I think.

Now as to why I'm such a mega geek? I've always had an insanely vivid imagination. And while I am very much interested in all of the magic that happens in a moment between two, plain ol' human beings, I'm often triply interest in what happens between an alien and a human, or a wizard and a muggle, or a mutant and a machine. Maybe because those pairings let the possibilities be even more vast. If she gets mad at him, will she stay and argue the point, or will she tear his head off? If he's in love with her, will he respect her wishes, or turn her into a vampire anyway?

This is all quite heady, when really, if we get right down to it, why SciFi? Two words:

STAR. WARS.

k.

What I'll wear to a fun premiere (or, Why I Will Need to Be Rich Soon...)

First of all, I adore (and spend way too much time using) Polyvore.com for putting together outfits and pretending I have an endless closet that includes all clothes available in the world. I am one to admit that my style could have me someday gracing the pages of 'Best Dressed' and 'What were they thinking?" But I stand by it.


I like that we all grow and change in our style. But some things will never change- like my love for long flowy skirts. So here's my premiere outfit for an imaginary upcoming film where quirk meets fabulous wrist bling. So, Imma need to make just a wee bit more cash soon. . .

k.

Striped top
$28 - topshop.com

Faith Connexion full length skirt
£529 - farfetch.com

Slip on shoes
€400 - youheshe.com

Vintage style jewelry
$2,420 - shopbop.com

Charriol longs jewelry
$2,395 - nordstrom.com

Chanel logos jewelry
€1.289 - lindestore.com

GINETTE NY 18 karat gold jewelry
£590 - kabiri.co.uk

Alexander mcqueen jewelry
$325 - forwardforward.com

Sabrina Dehoff bracelet
€199 - styleserver.de

A new series- my uneducated thoughts on restaurants.

So, I love to try new places. Often, they're not so fancy. Occasionally they warrant a pair of high heels and super thick cat-eye liner/big lashes. Today's restaurant is one I stumbled into quite on accident.

Meet Another Broken Egg! They took over a space in Atlanta's Peachtree Battle shopping center. I walked in and was greeted by a delightful woman- "Just you, sweetie?" I was seated at the bar, and immediately was asked if I wanted coffee. Laughing "yes", I got a great cup of coffee in a cute crockery style cup emblazoned with the logo- a chicken.

If I'd have known then I'd be blogging about them I would have ordered something more interesting, one of their specialties. Those include biscuit beignets, any one of 14 different omelette selections, or their Eggs Sardou- a Benedict dish with artichokes and a blend of Florentine and Hollandaise sauces.

Being gluten free I just asked for a side of eggs and a side of grits. My waiter offered me a plate that combined those and a muffin for around the same price. I decline, explaining that I can't eat the muffin- he immediately offered to sub in whatever I'd like with no extra charge. So I went with a plate of 2 poached eggs (perfect) bacon (came out with 5 strips of brilliant bacon) and grits (creamy and not overly salted).

Can you tell I was thrilled? I don't usually eat a full breakfast like that, but the warm and sunny (hooray for giant windows) atmosphere, the sweetly southern waitstaff, and the delish eggs coerced me into it.

I'd go back, and I'm picky about breakfast. So do yourselves a favor. Go get some, ya'll.

K.

ps- Did I mention they're open 7-2 daily and offer sammies and burgers for lunch?

There is a new Faerie Queen in Town. . .

And it's totally gonna be me.

For über-geeks and normal people alike, it's hard to find your place in the world. That's how Helen feels. And though she might think she ought to be Queen, it'll take more than thinking and a seriously righteous magic orb to make it happen.

Meet the Faeries- Helena ('cause why mess with a good thing?), King Aria, Gidget, Papillon and Pepe.

Who will win the epic battle?

Would you be a faerie? Or a troll? Admit it. You totally want to join our merry band. You can do so by helping us continue this work here: Faeries IndieGogo Fundraising Page (of Magic)

K.

This is how I feel today.

                                    

I mean, not exactly like this. Because when this photo was taken, I was about 15 minutes from getting married. I had to pee, was worried about my breath, and was having a small amount of butt sweat. You all know what that's like. . . attractive.

But I feel jittery and excited and anxious, because my hubby is flying home today. He's been in Atlanta, directing a remount of his wildly popular adaptation of The Red Balloon for Théâtre du R êve. That link will take you to his website, where you can find info on the show, and also see what else he's up to these days. If you're in Atlanta or near there, get your butt to this show. you will not regret it. I can't begin to tell you how proud I am. It's pretty awesome when someone you love also happens to be incredible at what they do- above an beyond any bias that being in love with them produces.

I get the giggles every time I talk to him, and I don't care who knows it. And that's why I feel like that photo today- I haven't seen him in 3 weeks, and I'm going crazy! Also I need him to take out the garbage. I've know my hubby since I was 15. We met, and I told the girl sitting next to me at the time, "Who is that guy? I'm going to marry him." 

See? That's just how I roll.

Have you ever predicted anything wild that's come true? Or how did you meet your honey?

k.

Presents!

Christmas was amazing this year. This year was. . . weirdly fun. I say weirdly because, as you may or may not know, my dad had a heart attack on Christmas Eve. He's doing well, had a double bypass surgery, and is about to start driving again. We're beyond grateful for how well everything went.

I think I've said this a million times, but I was SO excited to go home for Christmas this year. We were flying across the country for the first time from our new home in LA. We were bringing the furbaby. We had almost all of our shopping finished. And even though we had 5 mini Christmas gift sessions, it was awesomely imperfect because my Dad was there, and alive and on the (slow) road to recovery.

I wanted to share a few gifts that I'm really enjoying. We're not even going to touch on the stocking situation. My stocking, as an adult, still fits up to my thigh, and my mother stuffs it within an inch of it's life with everything from jewelry to Wii games to DVDs to clothes. Amazing. I'm digging on:

A Barnes & Noble Nook! Oh. My. Gee. I love this guy. I wholly advocate the purchase of one. I lug around no less than three books at a time, always, so this was perfect for me. I do like reading actual paper, too, but for the books I need to have- brilliant.

This Blu-Ray player. Our DVD player from, I dunno, maybe 8 years ago, pooped out recently. We didn't care much about Blu-Ray until we saw that this Star Wars boxed set was available! Sold.

A ukulele! This gorgeous little Lanakai soprano came from my hubby! I've been playing nearly everyday, in the hopes that I won't be terrible at some point. I was dithering between this and the tenor size, but I'm glad he went with this for my first real Uke. I love it.

I AM SUPER THANKFUL this year for having such a generous and thoughtful family, who made the holidays chipper in spite of the scary situation. ::Cue Full House tender music selection::

That's probably the best gift of all.

K.

Big Sunglasses (or how to hide from the world)

So, as evidenced by this tragically hip photo, I love big sunglasses. The bigger the better. Besides being blind as a bat, and really needing them to keep my vision from progressing into a worse state, I wear giant sunglasses because I love the way they make my face look tiny.

I was thinking about what to post today- it's been a hot minute since I wrote last and I was not sure what to tackle first. My awesome sister was visiting me for 8 days, during which time we went to Vegas (and saw Love, which was SO incredible and inspiring- see it!), thrifted our little hearts out (add to my wins a $680 pair of snakeskin cowboy boots for $22.50), had a big fight (only one, but it was a doozy), and just enjoyed being together. So needless to say, I was away from the computer a lot. A good thing, since the computer. . . and the Wii, and the television, and my new Nook, are all good ways to avoid being with people.

When I get blue, or am not feeling the best about my body, or hair, or what have you, I start hiding. I hide in either baggy or old lady clothes. I hide behind the Wii or Facebook. I hide behind giant sunglasses and by wearing my hair down. This feeling has been fading slowly over the last year, but it's a habit that is hard to break. I'm hard on myself about these things (and everything else), but I'm going to try to let that go. I am awesomely imperfect, and it is time to stop hiding. I am going to try my darnedest to make 2012 a year of jumping out from the shadows, and hopefully scaring a few people by doing so in a ninja like fashion.

How do you celebrate your awesome imperfections?

k.

Introducing Colonel FitzMorris Beauregarde Cofield IV.

This is my kitty. I should point out a few things:

1. The aforementioned is just his racing name. His full name is simply Morris Beauregarde. We call him MoBeau, although the hubs and I disagree on the proper spelling.

2. This picture is not of him taking a lick. His tongue is consisitently outside of of his mouth. This is likely due to a mystery accident in which he broke his little face. More specifically, he broke his jaw, and a piece of it had to be removed, including the lower canine. The upper canine on the same side was removed due to a spiral fracture. We have no idea what happened, but somehow he's even cuter now.

3. Aside from my hubby- he is the love of my life.

4. He breaks into kitchens and pantries and eats anything in sight. His favorite palate pleasers include: bagels, rolls, cake, cookies, and bread of any kind; zucchini, watermelon, cantaloupe and banana; milk, meat, cheese and of course, tuna.

5. He is the most dog like cat I've ever met.

6. He wears a bow tie willingly and happily.

I'm certain there will be more posts about the little furbaby, so I just wanted you all (all 6 of you?) to meet him formally. He's very concerned with doing this the proper way, you see.

k.

Thrift Store Rules (or, What Not to Buy)

If you have never been thrifting, you may not understand the true glory of stumbling upon, for example, and incredible Christian Dior silk and lace camisole in perfect condition for $2.99. I'm not making this stuff up- it happened yesterday.

Thrifting is something I started doing just before high school, when my fam relocated from the hood to the burbs for better schools. I tried for about 6 weeks to wear sweater sets and Gap tapered jeans. But besides being super pricey, I hated those clothes. So, I found my favorite weekend hobby: thrifting. At that time it was over sized men's sweaters and 70's disco polyester paired with my beloved Jenko jeans and Sailor Moon tank tops. Throw in the Doc Marten's I save up for, and BAM. Hot.

What I now know is that my own awesome personal style includes, often unfortunately, expensive items. Which I have to really hunt for while thrifting. See these amazing Seychelles:

These run between $90 and $150 a pair. And these gorgeous, barely worn beauts were mine for $14 plus California tax. Not quite as huge of a steal as my sisters Dior tank, but still! The fact that I spent just over $70 and came home with 6 dresses and two pairs of amazing shoes, all in mint condition, is a true testament to the power of thrift.

Here are some thrifting rules to live by, to avoid coming home with fugly stuff.

1. There is a fine, fine line between "cute" and "old lady". Toe this line carefully.

2. Do NOT buy anything stained, ripped or gimpy in any way.

3. Try things on, where possible.

4. Don't buy things that don't fit- this especially applies to things that are too small.

Exceptions to these rules include: Halloween costumes, if you are a seamstress extraordinaire, or work in fashion, you have all the time in the world to ACTUALLY resew a zipper, 17 buttons, patch holes, reweave wool, and/or work out until you squeeze into something. The only other exception is when you find that one thing that you will wear even though there is a giant blood stain on the chest. Sometimes there are those things.

Yours ever in geek chic,

k.

These are my flying nails.

Well, actually, these are my 2012-is-gonna-kick-ass nails. They could also be called my I-am-sassy-so-i-wear-nail-stickers-nails. Or perhaps my please-don't-let-me-start-nail-biting-again nails.

I am obsessed with these Sally Hansen nail strips. Mostly because I have crap nails- they are thin and not pretty at all. This is not helped by the fact that since I can remember, I've been a nail biter. I remember in Kindergarten, we did a Halloween activity in which we painted some nails black and some nails orange, in order to learn that adding 4 orange nails and 6 black nails would equal 10. My teacher came to paint my nails, and looked totally amazed at my nubbins. She made a comment that I can't recall, and tried to paint the tiny canvasses I had left for her.

Anywho, these Sally Hansen dealies are made of real paint, and you just peel and stick. That's pretty awesome. And the hounds tooth seen above is always out of stock, so I did a little victory dance when I found one left on a shelf.

Why should anyone care? Because if a chronic nail biter like me can change her ways and have cute nails, you people can do just about anything you set your mind to. So there. That's your motto for 2012. Make it work.

k.

Homeward bound.

Le sigh. I am going home today. Home is a funny way to put it, since home has been (and still feels like) Atlanta for so many years. Before we left, I said 'I'm so excited to go HOME for Christmas!' And that felt totally right. Because although we've been living in LA for months now, I still can't quite believe that we've moved, we've made the leap, we did it.


Flying out today, with cat in tow, feels both great and sad. My dad had a sudden heart attack on Christmas Eve- he's doing really well now, at home, recovering. And even though we had already planned a 3 week stay with the fam, it doesn't feel like I've done enough to help. My mother's freshly organized closet, vanity, bathroom and pantry would argue differently, but still. . . how do you do enough for people who not only raised you, but raised you without drama, without fear of approval, and with an abundance of love, support, excitement, manners and sisu? I think the answer is, 'you can't. But you can try.' So, hopefully I tried enough. We've already bought tickets to come back relatively soon. That makes me smile.

The other thing that makes me smile is that I'll be in my own bed tonight, and cooking dinner in my own kitchen. And tomorrow- my sister comes to visit LA! Super win.

More soon on just how mega awesome geektastic my slew of Christmas gifts were. Amazeballs.

k.

What the world needs now is another blogger. . .

My name is Katie, and while I'm not perfect, I am pretty awesome. I'm thinking I'll blog about both of those facts. Awesome imperfection.  Because that's just how I roll.

k.

ps- this is me. . .